An infant who is routinely applauded for taking a dump is set to do great things in life, and will definitely not be the type of dipshit who expects a round of applause for completing the most tedious of things, it has been revealed.

Wet-nursed child, Nathan Bobson, 3, has explained his plans for stating: “To be fair, I was fine in nappies and enjoying the look on my parents faces as they struggled to process the various smells from one day to the next, but this potty thing is even better.”

“It’s like a party, but only if I make it to the potty in time of course. Last week I shat on the new carpet. I got a juice box and we sang baby shark again.”

Nathan’s awful mother, Becky Dinting, 30, said: “He’s growing up so fast. He’ll probably be a brain surgeon or something.”

The infant concluded: “I can’t wait to disappoint the world by being lazy and spoilt. One day I’ll get to do it in one of these ‘job’ things everyone keeps talking about.”

“It’s gonna be lit.”

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