A FULLY GROWN ADULT MALE is still making the kind of decisions normally associated with a spoilt first-year university student whose parents can always bail them out, because of course they bloody will, it has been revealed.
28 year old accounts manager, Nathan Bobson, has told how his dreamy, wasteful life choices are indicative of adult life and are in no way a sign that he needs to grow the fuck up.
Having recently spunked half a month’s salary in a casino before payday weekend was over, the maverick manchild affirmed: “Life’s all about making choices, which is why I don’t mind living like a pauper for the second half of the month sometimes. As long as you can go out and get Phil Mitchelled, who cares as long as you’re earning your way?”
“Besides, there’s always a mate who’s got one of them funny ‘paid in the middle of the month’ jobs who can sub you fifty quid here and there, so it’s fine. Besides, I’d rather sped my money in a club than waste it on something as useless like a car or a house.”
Nathan’s new fiancée, Becky Dinting, 25, confirmed the couple are now “on another level” after being together for a whole 10 months.
She stated, or asked (we couldn’t tell): “Well we’ve graduated now, so we like, know more about things?”
The call centre worker added: “That’s why we thought the time was right to get engaged. We’ve not set a date yet, because I guess you probably never know who will cheat first, but that’s not stopping us planning an epic Ibiza wedding. I just need my Mum to not charge me any rent for the next six years. And you know, chip in a bit, too.”
Nathan’s line manager, Wayne Hayes, 36, said: “Nathan could probably do well here if he wasn’t always late, hungover or talking in that weird retarded language all the kids seem to use these days.”
“‘Yes fam’ and ‘bare wanna leave early’ is not something you say to your Managing fucking Director, especially when you’re on your final fucking warning.”
“Just the other day I heard him telling the new marketing girl he’ll be a manager here soon.”
“Man’s dreaming …as he’d say.”
Nathan concluded: “At 25 I suppose this is my time. I’m really starting to come in to my own.”
The Shatire 