“University of Life” Graduate to Advise on final Brexit Trade Deal

Turns out an unbearable gobshite with an at-best mediocre existence is somehow a leading expert on international trade deals of every kind, it has been confirmed.

Avid Brexiter and definitely not racist Dave Hayes, 35, from Canvey Island, commented: “What the Government don’t understand is that we can leave the EU on WTO rules, or on Canada plus, save our £39 billion quid and be just fine. It works for smaller countries who are on Norway terms, like Canada. It doesn’t matter, right, the issue is we had a vote and we need to shut our borders.”

The UKIP-er, of course, supporter added “And don’t you worry about the car market either. My wife’s friend Mary’s ex-husband used to manage a Rover dealership back in the day and he said it’s all to do with diesel cars. Not the arse falling out of the economy or people having less disposable income to spend on nice cars.”

“We made it through the blitz, didn’t we? Well, we’ll bloody well get though this then.”

A spokesperson for the Government confirmed they were in talks to involve the xenophobic maverick into plans to fuck everyone over, adding: “Well, this government has been dealing with trade rules with foreign countries for the past eight or so, but it seems like Dave from Canvey Island seems to have it all sussed out. I don’t know why we haven’t listened to him all along.”

“I don’t suppose he’s said where he stands on removing workers rights, has he?”

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