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Absolutely no ladies expected at ‘Ladies Day’, say race organisers


ONLY BRUTES AND CAR-CRASHES of womanhood are expected at Aintree for  this year’s ‘Ladies’ Day’, Grand National organisers have confirmed. The announcement comes as thousands of professional skanks and women your mother warned you about descend on Aintree to cause all sorts of carnage, and probably show their knickers to the Daily Mail. Impossibly posh […]

Read More Absolutely no ladies expected at ‘Ladies Day’, say race organisers

BREAKING: Liverpool players to wear Jamie Carragher t-shirts in response to “misunderstood” spitting incident


Liverpool players will wear Jamie Carragher t-shirts during their warm-up next Saturday in a show of solidarity towards the pundit for being unfairly criticised for spitting in a child’s face. Despite damning video evidence of the incident, a statement on behalf of the players at Carragher’s former club declared their “total support” for the Anfield […]

Read More BREAKING: Liverpool players to wear Jamie Carragher t-shirts in response to “misunderstood” spitting incident
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Schools “Not Sorry” for Replacing Mary and Joseph in Nativity Scene with Little Shits


Britain’s schools have refused to apologise for depicting the parents of Baby Jesus in their nativity scenes as a spoiled brats who are probably ferried to school in a fucking Range Rover, it has been revealed. Primary school teacher and school nativity “director”, Becky Dinting, 31, said: “Every year we cast the saviour of mankind’s […]

Read More Schools “Not Sorry” for Replacing Mary and Joseph in Nativity Scene with Little Shits

BREAKING NEWS: Ugly Baby Still Referred to as “Cute” Despite the Obvious


LYING adults are still referring to a hideous newborn as “cute” and other similarly deceptive pleasantries, despite everyone having functioning eyes which tell them otherwise, reports confirm. Proud Mother Becky Dinting, 26, gushed: “Awww, Isn’t she beautiful? Everyone always says how gorgeous she is, the little charmer.” Two-faced Janette Lawton, best friend of the baby’s mother, commented: “I say she’s gorgeous on all her […]

Read More BREAKING NEWS: Ugly Baby Still Referred to as “Cute” Despite the Obvious
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John Lewis 2017 Christmas TV ad to feature family blissfully avoiding John Lewis


This year’s John Lewis’s Christmas TV advert will will feature a family that has a better Christmas than you by avoiding John Lewis altogether, it has been revealed. The 2017 John Lewis Christmas TV advert, features a run-of-the-mill family, who go about their Christmas without paying over the odds for an Acer laptop, just so […]

Read More John Lewis 2017 Christmas TV ad to feature family blissfully avoiding John Lewis