TV FANTASY BREXIT RENEWED FOR ANOTHER SEASON FOLLOWING “PREDICTABLE” SEASON 3 FINALE


The British TV viewing public have welcomed news that TV political fantasy-drama “Brexit” has been granted a fourth season with a collective sigh of indifference. The news comes after series Director Boris Johnson pitched a now greenlighted script to EU Studio execs to wrap up the saga once and for all, following an underwhelming season […]

Read More TV FANTASY BREXIT RENEWED FOR ANOTHER SEASON FOLLOWING “PREDICTABLE” SEASON 3 FINALE

Twitter knobhead claiming moral high ground by blocking anyone who questions their bullshit


An unreasonable twitter gobshite has blocked someone who has a different opinion, it has been revealed. Prolific bringer of drama and no-filter knobhead went on a mini Twitter tirade to his followers bragging about how he “shut down a troll” after a brief exchange where his blatant bullshit was brought under question. Life’s terminal victim, […]

Read More Twitter knobhead claiming moral high ground by blocking anyone who questions their bullshit
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BREXITER COUNTING HIS HOLIDAY MONEY STILL PRETENDING EVERYTHING’S FINE


AN ANXIOUS LOOKING Brexiter is still insisting the outcome is “still worth it”, despite having paid for some Euros for an upcoming trip to Benidorm, it has been revealed. Ray Dawkins, 62, has explained away his distinct lack of spending money as “just a phase”, offering: “These things fluctuate, so it’ll bounce back. We’re not […]

Read More BREXITER COUNTING HIS HOLIDAY MONEY STILL PRETENDING EVERYTHING’S FINE
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“University of Life” Graduate to Advise on final Brexit Trade Deal


Turns out an unbearable gobshite with an at-best mediocre existence is somehow a leading expert on international trade deals of every kind, it has been confirmed. Avid Brexiter and definitely not racist Dave Hayes, 35, from Canvey Island, commented: “What the Government don’t understand is that we can leave the EU on WTO rules, or […]

Read More “University of Life” Graduate to Advise on final Brexit Trade Deal
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A-LEVEL STUDENT IGNORING SHIT ADVICE FROM MEDIOCRE 30-SOMETHINGS


A college student receiving his A-level results has announced he’s not listening to the awful advice of people who left college before iPhones existed and then grew up into nothing, it has been revealed. 35 year-old sales team leader, Nathan Bobson, announced on LinkedIn: “To all those students getting their A-level results today, remember that […]

Read More A-LEVEL STUDENT IGNORING SHIT ADVICE FROM MEDIOCRE 30-SOMETHINGS
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MAN WHO PUTS MOTIVATIONAL BULLSHIT ON LINKEDIN PRACTISING NONE OF IT


A WORKSHY BULLSHITTER who shares motivational content on LinkedIn in order to give off an image of being a remotely positive example to anyone is practising absolutely nothing about what he preachesa cursory glance at his life has revealed. After sharing a video from actor Will Smith on self-discipline, Recruitment Consultant, Wayne Hayes, 33, who […]

Read More MAN WHO PUTS MOTIVATIONAL BULLSHIT ON LINKEDIN PRACTISING NONE OF IT
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MAC burns £28 MILLION worth of cosmetics to save brand from Instagram wankers


Profiteering cosmetics brand, MAC, copied needlessly unfashionable clothing brand Burberry, by setting fire to £28m worth of stock to stop their products being bought by dickheads and girls who pretend their parents haven’t bought it for them, it has been revealed. The drastic measures come after Burberry burned £28 million pounds worth of out-of-season clothes […]

Read More MAC burns £28 MILLION worth of cosmetics to save brand from Instagram wankers
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BREAKING NEWS: Driverless Conservative Party by 2021, Chancellor Confirms


The Conservative Party is to go “fully-autonomous” by the year 2021, a leaked report from the Treasury confirms. Details from the leaked report outline how a proposed £75 million investment in futuristic ‘Tor-E SleazeBots’ will mean that the party can dispense with having any sense of direction whatsoever. Chancellor of the Exchequer, Philip Hammond, was […]

Read More BREAKING NEWS: Driverless Conservative Party by 2021, Chancellor Confirms
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Every pub “now a f*****g créche” confirm fed-up adults


SPITEFUL PARENTS are secretly enjoying being massive bastards by taking their feral children to places dedicated to drinking alcohol, everyone else has confirmed. Irresponsible Mother of three, Becky Dinting, commented: “We totally resent the idea that pubs are only for adults. If we can’t enjoy it while trying to ignore our kids I suppose neither should you, lol.” The holy […]

Read More Every pub “now a f*****g créche” confirm fed-up adults
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Graduating from nursery isn’t a f*****g thing, parents told


AWFUL PARENTS have have been told that having a “graduation ceremony” for three year olds who can’t form coherent sentences isn’t an achievement, nor something anyone should be celebrating, reports confirm. Mother of three, Becky Dinting, 31, has confirmed how she has been coping with the bombshell that teaching her child to celebrate “graduating” from […]

Read More Graduating from nursery isn’t a f*****g thing, parents told
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Absolutely no ladies expected at ‘Ladies Day’, say race organisers


ONLY BRUTES AND CAR-CRASHES of womanhood are expected at Aintree for this year’s ‘Ladies’ Day’, Grand National organisers have confirmed. The announcement comes as thousands of professional skanks and women your mother warned you about descend on Aintree to cause all sorts of carnage, and probably show their knickers to the Daily Mail. Impossibly posh […]

Read More Absolutely no ladies expected at ‘Ladies Day’, say race organisers
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New Girl Who Got Her Job Because Her Dad Knows the MD to be Totally Taken Seriously


A WASTE OF SPACE new office worker who got her job because of her father’s friendship with the Managing Director will have the total respect from every one of her colleagues who’ve actually worked to get where they are, it has been revealed. Social Media Executive and 23 year-old child, Becky Dinting, landed her new […]

Read More New Girl Who Got Her Job Because Her Dad Knows the MD to be Totally Taken Seriously

BREAKING: Liverpool players to wear Jamie Carragher t-shirts in response to “misunderstood” spitting incident


Liverpool players will wear Jamie Carragher t-shirts during their warm-up next Saturday in a show of solidarity towards the pundit for being unfairly criticised for spitting in a child’s face. Despite damning video evidence of the incident, a statement on behalf of the players at Carragher’s former club declared their “total support” for the Anfield […]

Read More BREAKING: Liverpool players to wear Jamie Carragher t-shirts in response to “misunderstood” spitting incident
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Schools “Not Sorry” for Replacing Mary and Joseph in Nativity Scene with Little Shits


Britain’s schools have refused to apologise for depicting the parents of Baby Jesus in their nativity scenes as a spoiled brats who are probably ferried to school in a fucking Range Rover, it has been revealed. Primary school teacher and school nativity “director”, Becky Dinting, 31, said: “Every year we cast the saviour of mankind’s […]

Read More Schools “Not Sorry” for Replacing Mary and Joseph in Nativity Scene with Little Shits

BREAKING NEWS: Ugly Baby Still Referred to as “Cute” Despite the Obvious


LYING adults are still referring to a hideous newborn as “cute” and other similarly deceptive pleasantries, despite everyone having functioning eyes which tell them otherwise, reports confirm. Proud Mother Becky Dinting, 26, gushed: “Awww, Isn’t she beautiful? Everyone always says how gorgeous she is, the little charmer.” Two-faced Janette Lawton, best friend of the baby’s mother, commented: “I say she’s gorgeous on all her […]

Read More BREAKING NEWS: Ugly Baby Still Referred to as “Cute” Despite the Obvious
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2018 John Lewis Christmas TV ad to feature family blissfully avoiding John Lewis


This year’s John Lewis’s Christmas TV advert will will feature a family that has a better Christmas than you by avoiding John Lewis altogether, it has been revealed. The formulaic 60 seconds features a run-of-the-mill family going about their Christmas without paying over the odds for an Acer laptop, just so they can avoid remarking […]

Read More 2018 John Lewis Christmas TV ad to feature family blissfully avoiding John Lewis
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BREAKING NEWS: Managing Director to withdraw staff bonuses again, just to be a prick


A piece of shit Managing Director isn’t going to pay out on bonuses promised to overworked staff just so he can be a complete bastard, it has been revealed. Successful e-commerce tyrant, Ray Dawkins, 52, has revealed bonuses promised to exhausted staff won’t be issued because he’d rather play with their emotions while pretending to […]

Read More BREAKING NEWS: Managing Director to withdraw staff bonuses again, just to be a prick
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BREAKING NEWS: 23 Year-old to tell you something about life


A know-it-all graduate has used their 23 years of experience on this earth, of which 18 have been spent as a child, to explain something profound and/or useful to you about life, it has been revealed. Having travelled to several destinations popular with other gap year wankers while avoiding adult responsibilities, 23 year-old Becky Dinting concedes she’s at an […]

Read More BREAKING NEWS: 23 Year-old to tell you something about life
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Facebook likes “dwindling” for re-posted wedding photo


A NEW WIFE has expressed her concern about the lessening number of likes her wedding photo is getting each time she re-posts it on Facebook. Hurt Becky Dinting, 27, said the lack of support among her friends about her marriage is both upsetting and disrespectful. The no-longer-bride explained: “Honestly, I don’t know what’s gotten into people. Maybe my friends are too good all of […]

Read More Facebook likes “dwindling” for re-posted wedding photo
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“What’s with the ugly kid in school uniform craze?”, parents asked


Social media users have issued a collective plea for parents to explain the need to clarify what their ugly children wear when they go to school, it has been confirmed. Facebook user and former child, Nathan Bobson, 29, said: “I had heard there are these uniform things the kids have to wear, which sounds archaic. While I’m glad […]

Read More “What’s with the ugly kid in school uniform craze?”, parents asked
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Infantile graduate struggling with the whole “work” thing


A piece of shit newcomer to the workforce has endeared herself to colleagues by failing to grasp the concept of professional behaviour or something called “work”, it has been revealed. Entitled PR graduate Becky Dinting, 23, joined the company in July as a junior exec and her so far stellar performance has resulted in out-annoying every single one […]

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Dating websites in “drugged-up tiger” photo shortage


Dating websites have reported a record shortage of photos featuring morons on their gap year posing with heavily sedated tigers, it has emerged. Despite there being lots of single morons, there has been a vast reduction in the rate of smiling dickheads in Thailand posing with half-dead big cats on dating websites. Terminally single Becky Dinting, 27, from Rochester said: “I […]

Read More Dating websites in “drugged-up tiger” photo shortage
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Toddler to totally appreciate birthday party effort


A two year-old has expressed his heartfelt thanks for the over the top effort that went into his lavish birthday party, it has been revealed. The oblivious two year old thanked family and friends by wandering about with a mushed up carrot stick in between his fingers, shouting “Orange! Orange” before inexplicably crying and then falling asleep for the rest of the day. The […]

Read More Toddler to totally appreciate birthday party effort
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Bride-to-be “taking the complete f*****g piss”, Hen party confirms


The latest unnecessary demands from a miserable bride-to-be “takes the complete f*****g piss”, her bridesmaids have revealed. Self-absorbed Becky Dinting and her beau Luke are to tie the knot next month, and the brides latest wave of demands is testing the already saint-like patience of her closest attendants.  Bridesmaid Claire Worsley, 30, confirmed: “She’s a cheeky bitch and […]

Read More Bride-to-be “taking the complete f*****g piss”, Hen party confirms