The shortage of British people on the national organ donor register is mainly because of the fear most people have that they will “jinx themself” and snuff it within days of registering, a new study has concluded.
A 500 page report explains that most Brits are deterred because of the “sod’s law” factor; it determines if you register, you’re basically choosing to die very soon afterwards.
Study participant Gill Webster, from Slough, commented “I like the idea, I really do, and I do hope more people register because it saves lives. But if I register, then I know I’ll kark it in a horrendous multi-car pile-up that leaves my heart, lungs and other major organs in perfect working condition, within a few days. I just don’t want to take that risk. It’s just my luck, you know – it’s so me!”
Other reasons declared for not becaoming a registered donor include “Because… it’s just weird, isn’t it?” and not wanting to “share in the survivor’s guilt of my organ’s new host”.
Fellow participant John Stenson, from Wilmslow said: “Besides, I don’t like the idea of taking over my new host. Imagine it, tracking down my widow and terrorising her over eventually managing to salvage a life with some new fella.”
“It’d be like that Anthony Hopkins film, Audrey Rose, but in a “reluctant cuckold” type way. I’d be tormented because my gorgeous wife wouldn’t fall “back in love” with the sixty year old dinner lady who got my spleen and totally lusts after some new guy instead.”
He added: “Actually, I bet it’d be her colleague, “James” something or other, who she’d end up with. He’s always giving her gifts, getting her blitzed on away days.
“She says they’re just friends of course, which is “why he’s allowed” to pat her on the arse at dinner parties.”
“He’s always wanted to get his fucking slimy hands all over her. Actually sign me up, I bet I can prove it – just watch.”