In groundbreaking bidneth news, an estate agent has pledged only to use the word “stunning” when listing properties which are actually attractive to look at.
In a world-first, the self control marshaled by Dwayne Much, of South Manchester agency Jennie Wadsacash, attracted enquiries for properties from people who were actually interested. The move to a more “reflective” description was, he said, “”unprovoked.”
Mr Much confessed that misleading descriptions are apparently commonplace. He explained: “You see it all the time really, just look on rightmove. There’s a poor “computer says no” keybangerer stuffed under the stairs of every agency. The only word they can remember after a while is ‘stunning’, so they end up using it in literally every single property they put online. Sometimes they’re even told to by their boss – but not me. I just couldn’t help but feel a bit dishonest doing that, so I just sort of…. stopped it, really.”
Following the painfully awkward silence that followed, Mr Much added: “I’d probably say there’s more we could do to accurately describe what we’re selling. It’s not like common sense is regulated or anything, but you do begin feel the pressure from landlords. Nobody likes being asked why 18,451 property clicks have only translated into two enquiries from smackheads.”
Having found a new lease of life, Mr Much has also pledged to stop avoid using photos of really shit properties, where photos of the surrounding bars and reataurants are used instead.
A spokesthing for the Council of Exorbitant Estate Agents has said the new practice sets a “a dangerous precedent”, adding “next thing we’ll not be allowed to put armchairs next to cookers, or only be allowed to use ‘refurbished’ when the property has actually been done up. It’s madness.”
The Shatire 