Serial streetwalker (eurgh, sounds like an animal) banger, Wayne Rooney, who has come under fire for making his baby boy have sex with a prostitute, or something like that, was last night absolved of any wrongdoing by Sir Alex Ferguson.
The Manchester United boss revealed that the dirty thing in question actually belonged to pimp-rap-wannabe-icon, Diddy…or Puff Daddy, or Diddley or whatever he’s calling himself this week. The United team took time out from a sex session to pose for photos with Diddy (below), and Fergie spared no time in jumping to Rooney’s defence, declaring…
“Ye hav te undershtand that in these teypes ef sitteyations, playersh git thi horn ahead of International dutey, so ye need a really good-ass ho, and that’s where Diddy comes in. Ahl onleh hav the very feinest skanky wee bitches fer mei team – and ye can print that!”
The Shatire 