Milk-snatching cowbag, Baroness Thatcher, from her deathbead, instructed the ever-smug George Osborne to remain steadfast in his plans to screw the country over, telling him “they’ll hate you too, but that’s why we’re Tories”.
The ex-former PM was last night admitted to hospital her final stroke and, despite doctors desperate efforts to find a soul, the ageing old battleaxe finally carked it.
A “reluctant and nervy” looking Satan was seen stepping out of a car at St Bartholomew’s hospital to collect his new property. Rumoured to have been driven there personally by God, the Dark Lord asked for his item to be “double-bagged”.
It’s being reported that Osborne, who recently unveiled “character building” spending cuts for the vulnerable, was having second thoughts, and confided in the ailing Thatcher. The former milk-snatcher gave advice to the embattled Chancellor, by declaring “I didn’t do it for you to just piss it all away, George!”, which is said to have worked.
A Tory insider told us that the ConDem bid to take Britain back to the 1980’s, “when the small people knew their place and weren’t preoccupied with thing that don’t concern them, like education, or pensions” was almost complete.
Meanwhile, in internet land, twitter users have been urged “this is not a drill” by lefty groups., and the hashtag #RememberYourTraining is currently trending in Liverpool.