Grown woman capable of life before children


An educated woman of childbearing age is having something called ‘a life’ before making the life-defining choice to have children, it has been revealed.

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The shock revelation came after childless Finance Manager, Becky Dinting, 30, was questioned for the hundredth time this week on the prospect of bringing children into the world.

She explained: “My friends are all like ‘oh, you’re 30, don’t you like, want kids?’, but who are all these baby-obsessed women time travelling in from the 1970s?”

“It’s not as I’m leaving it late, even Janet fucking Jackson got preggers at 50. As if these bitches don’t read Heat magazine – I know they’ve got the time. Unlike me, obviously!” 

“Also, and I must confess, I just haven’t the heart to tell them how ugly some of their babies are. So yes, they’re not exactly selling the parenthood dream.”

“I’m sure they mean well.”

Best non-Uni friend and mother of four, Charlotte Hall, 28, said: “Becky’s probably worried she isn’t the maternal kind, but I just want her to be happy like me and Colin are. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure a job as a seamstress or whatever she does is good and all, but what else do you do for attention?”

“Maybe she’s a lesbian or something? I don’t know.”

A defiantly fertile Dinting, concluded: “I really love my life. Besides, do you think any of these women can casually spunk a couple of hundred quid on a new bag without having to bribe the likes of “Colin dadbod” with the saddest BJ in Britain?”

“Imagine women dying for the right to work and THAT being your life.”