Unpopular Labour leadership hopeful, Owen Smith, has “un-resigned” from being a contemptuous bellend and is pressing on with the matter in hand, it has emerged. The Machiavellian fuckwit, Smith, whose past glories range from supporting Jeremy Cobyn outright, to ignoring the majority of the party’s members completely within six months, has re-stated his intentions to dislodge Labour’s democratically elected leader. […]Read More Owen Smith to “un-resign” from being an unpopular dick
People who only ever go on holiday to Benidorm have made it harder for you to go there, even though you’d rather kill yourself, it has emerged. The love for all day breakfasts with chips served by Spanish English pubs, has won out in a vote to remain or leave the European Union. The “no foreign muck” campaign declared a marginal […]Read More BREAKING: People who only visit Benidorm f*ck up middle class travel plans
Ibiza holiday home-owning plastic socialist, Labour MP, Chuka Umunna has today launched his bowler hat into the ring to become the party’s Leader, with the hope the party “will reclaim its role as the party of ordinary working riff raff.” In a statement to Sky News, the Labour MP for Streatham and cliquey London nightspots, […]Read More BREAKING: Chuka Umunna to make Labour the “party of the Riff Raff”
SHAMED Former home secretary, Jacqui Smith has staunchly defended her choice to submit expenses for porn films, stating “so what if I’m a right goer?” ahead of the release of her debut porn film, BareBack BenchMP’s. The former Chief Whip resigned from the cabinet in 2009 amidst the expenses scandal perpetrated by her less seedier […]Read More Jacqui Smith makes porn film, admits husband “is a right wanker”
In a bolding reform sweep up of Britain’s classrooms, David Cameron has briefed the nation’s teachers and children on removing struggling pupils right to one to one tuition, declaring “The stupids will be on their own. I mean it!” In an audacious assault on the right to education this week, which included pulling Nick Clegg’s […]Read More BREAKING NEWS: Stupid kids “on their own”, Cameron tells Britain’s classrooms.