BREAKING NEWS: Ugly Baby Still Referred to as “Cute” Despite the Obvious


LYING adults are still referring to a hideous newborn as “cute” and other similarly deceptive pleasantries, despite everyone having functioning eyes which tell them otherwise, reports confirm.

ugly baby
Proud Mother Becky Dinting, 26, gushed: “Awww, Isn’t she beautiful? Everyone always says how gorgeous she is, the little charmer.”

Two-faced Janette Lawton, best friend of the baby’s mother, commented: “I say she’s gorgeous on all her photos on Facebook, but my horrible husband always ‘likes’ them because he’s a smart arse who says she’s really ugly.”

“I mean, no baby is ugly, are they? Well, obviously she is. But it’s just cruel to say it out loud, I mean.”

“Oi, don’t laugh! Haha.”

Janette’s Husband James added: “Yeah, no, she’s proper ugly. I can’t even look at it and when I’m around the parents, I just look at them wide eyed while smiling and nodding about how cute she is. It looks like it knows what you’re thinking.”

“I’m telling you, proper ugly.”

“What’s with the ugly kid in school uniform craze?”, parents asked


Social media users have issued a collective plea for parents to explain the need to clarify what their ugly children wear when they go to school, it has been confirmed.

School uniform photos Facebook

Facebook user and former child, Nathan Bobson, 29, said: “I had heard there are these uniform things the kids have to wear, which sounds archaic. While I’m glad I know what they are for the millionth time, can you just stop showing me now, thanks?”

“Are they only selecting the ugly ones for the photos or something?”

Social scientist and mentally balanced human, Ray Dawson, explained the rationale behind the craze. He said: “Studies have shown there’s something inherently ugly about a child in their uniform stood next to a front door, but what people might not know is that posting it on social media also makes you a terrible parent.”

“That’s why they’re so hard to look at.”

“Were advising people not to look directly at them as you can damage your eyesight. It’s kind of like when an eclipse happens but instead the damage is done, you know, to your soul?”

Bemused twitter adult, Becky Dinting, 26, commented: “I don’t get it. Is it because everyone stops being so when they grow up? They’re all posted with comments about “growing up so fast” – some of them even show you photos of years past, so you can see the progress their child has made in becoming so ugly.”

“It might be some weird right of passage you go through as a parent, where eventually you accept what everyone already else sees.”

“Maybe they’ve stopped celebrating their “graduation” from primary school now as well?”

“You live in hope.”

Toddler to totally appreciate birthday party effort


A two year-old has expressed his heartfelt thanks for the over the top effort that went into his lavish birthday party, it has been revealed.
toddler birthday

The oblivious two year old thanked family and friends by wandering about with a mushed up carrot stick in between his fingers, shouting “Orange! Orange” before inexplicably crying and then falling asleep for the rest of the day.

The carefully crafted gesture came after the mite pretended to be humble about his ridiculous mountain of presents. This was followed by ignoring anything to do with the people who had showed up to his special fucking day.

Teary-eyed Mum Becky Dinting commented: “Awww, no, he knows how much he means to us. Obviously I’ve made sure everyone knows on Facebook how much effort we’ve gone into with all the presents and decorations, plus we got loads of clothes. So yeah …that’s totally worth it, right?

“No. No, it’s not an orange, it’s a carrot. Say C-A-R-R-O-T.”

“…little shit.”

The baby’s doting father, Nathan Bobson said: “Not being funny but, there’s no way it will remember who got what when I can’t even tell you who came. I don’t even know what we’ve got, other than a load of cleaning up.”

Nathan’s brother, Uncle James added: “So, can we like, go now?”