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BREAKING NEWS: Managing Director to withdraw staff bonuses again, just to be a prick

A piece of shit Managing Director isn’t going to pay out on bonuses promised to overworked staff just so he can be a complete bastard, it has been revealed. Successful e-commerce tyrant, Ray Dawkins, 52, has revealed bonuses promised to exhausted staff won’t be issued because he’d rather play with their emotions while pretending to […]

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BREAKING NEWS: 23 Year-old to tell you something about life

A know-it-all graduate has used their 23 years of experience on this earth, of which 18 have been spent as a child, to explain something profound and/or useful to you about life, it has been revealed. Having travelled to several destinations popular with other gap year wankers while avoiding adult responsibilities, 23 year-old Becky Dinting concedes she’s at an […]

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BREAKING NEWS: Newlyweds wondering what to do next

TWO IDIOT NEWLYWEDS have celebrated the end of their honeymoon by realising they have to spend the rest of their lives together, it has been revealed. Recently wed Becky and James Dinting, both 24, tied the knot in July and, now their formal nuptial celebrations are officially over, the couple have expressed their surprise at being left to […]

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Stranger in the office pretending to know everyone

A POLITE WEIRDO who is a stranger to everyone in the office is acting like they already kind of know everyone, despite not yet introducing themselves to anyone, it has been revealed. Having set-up camp on a nearby hotdesk, the well-mannered stranger, who hasn’t quite managed to say hello to anyone, has proceeded to casually chip-in during office small-talk and […]

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Colleague pledges not to park like a complete dick

THAT ANNOYING colleague of yours has pledged not to park like an infantile piece of shit for once in their worthless life, it has been revealed. Terminally unpopular Accounts Manager, Nathan Bobson, 29, made the groundbreaking oath to park within the confines of whichever designated space he chooses to leave his precious fucking car in. He […]

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Facebook likes “dwindling” for re-posted wedding photo

A NEW WIFE has expressed her concern about the lessening number of likes her wedding photo is getting each time she re-posts it on Facebook. Hurt Becky Dinting, 27, said the lack of support among her friends about her marriage is both upsetting and disrespectful. The no-longer-bride explained: “Honestly, I don’t know what’s gotten into people. Maybe my friends are too good all of […]

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“What’s with the ugly kid in school uniform craze?”, parents asked

Social media users have issued a collective plea for parents to explain the need to clarify what their ugly children wear when they go to school, it has been confirmed. Facebook user and former child, Nathan Bobson, 29, said: “I had heard there are these uniform things the kids have to wear, which sounds archaic. While I’m glad […]