because it's all a bit shit, really
A WORKSHY BULLSHITTER who shares motivational content on LinkedIn in order to give off an image of being a remotely positive example to anyone is practising absolutely nothing about what he preaches, a cursory glance at his life has revealed. After sharing a video from actor Will Smith on self-discipline, Recruitment Consultant, Wayne Hayes, 33, […]
Read More MAN WHO PUTS MOTIVATIONAL BULLSHIT ON LINKEDIN PRACTISING NONE OF ITProfiteering cosmetics brand, MAC, copied needlessly unfashionable clothing brand Burberry, by setting fire to £28m worth of stock to stop their products being bought by dickheads and girls who pretend their parents haven’t bought it for them, it has been revealed. The drastic measures come after Burberry burned £28 million pounds worth of out-of-season clothes […]
Read More MAC burns £28 MILLION worth of cosmetics to save brand from Instagram wankersThe Conservative Party is to go “fully-autonomous” by the year 2021, a leaked report from the Treasury confirms. Details from the leaked report outline how a proposed £75 million investment in futuristic ‘Tor-E SleazeBots’ will mean that the party can dispense with having any sense of direction whatsoever. Chancellor of the Exchequer, Philip Hammond, was […]
Read More BREAKING NEWS: Driverless Conservative Party by 2021, Chancellor ConfirmsThe world has told Britain to turn itself off and on again, and maybe do a system restore back to any date in 2012 in order to solve it’s processing power issues, it has been revealed. The advice comes after the second millionth deliberate cluster-fuck by several manchildren who’ve been elected to be the ones […]
Read More Turn it all off and then on again, Britain toldBREXIT Minister David Davis has finally unveiled his true identity, an evil Sith Lord who has just condemned the United Kindgom to a future only seen in distopian science fiction movies. After resigning his post late on Sunday night, Darth Brexitus commented that his hand was forced due to Theresa May’s soft Brexit plan. He […]
Read More BREAKING NEWS: Sith Lord David Davis finally reveals his true identitySerial romancer of inappropriate life partners, Cheryl Cole, has announced she it to split from her habit of picking totally the wrong guy, following her breakup from former popstar wanker boyfriend, Liam Payne. The couple had been rumoured to split, following a few years of Liam’s fuckboy antics. The former One Direction “singer” has been […]
Read More CHERYL COLE ANNOUNCES SPLIT FROM BAD RELATIONSHIP DECISIONSINEFFECTIVE LONDON MAYOR Sadiq Khan, has vowed to end London’s knife crime problem by avoiding it completely and focusing on fast food adverts on the tube which nobody pays attention to anyway, it has been confirmed. In his latest set of weird and unnecessary ways to tackle problems which aren’t his to fix, the workshy […]
Read More Knife crime better than fat Londoners, says Sadiq Khan