Mental health is “so hot right now” according to the world of marketing, as big brands admit that saying ‘mental health’ has the potential to be “as big as blockchain, but like, way more?”
Having decided to label everything from shampoo to ITV’s Love Island as “an advocate of mental health”, brands that normally trade in insecurity, tax avoidance and human suffering are suddenly shining beacons of common decency and compassion.
Advertising Bastard, Wayne Hayes from London, obviously, said: “Mental health is all the rage now because people ….I say people, I mean children. Anyway, they’re all feeling bad because there’s this massive pissing contest on Instagram for likes and followers which nobody can win.”
“Everyone’s trying to bullshit everyone else into thinking their life is amazing and nobody falls for it because you can’t kid yourself.”
“Naturally, this is what we spend all our budgets on these days.”
He detailed how brands make themselves “more receptive to the challenges of mental health”, explaining: “We don’t actually have to do anything of course, just as long as we say “we support mental health” or some shit like that, even though it makes no sense. Besides, everyone’s saying it, so if we don’t then everyone will think we’re absolute monsters, sooo…”
Human adult woman and seasoned spotter of bullshit, Becky Hayes, 32, said: “I kind of know what good mental health means to me, I’m just not too sure if I need Unilever telling me that it looks like a can of ‘Impulse’. I mean, what the actual fuck?”
“Still, I guess this is what happens to the world when every child gets a trophy for turning up – average kids everywhere grow up thinking they’re somehow special and then one day have to deal with finding out everyone thinks they’re just a massive knob, then advertisers have a fucking field day. We should probably expect more of the same if we’re honest with ourselves, shouldn’t we?”
When challenged about whether brands are fuelling things such as as #FOMO and unhealthy body images by flooding social media with their products, Mr Hayes replied: “I suppose it’s a bit like the war on terror, only with thigh gaps and hashtags. It never ends and it’s the sponsors who ultimately win.”
“That’s why mental health is great for marketing.”
The Shatire 