Manchester United have announced the signing of a contract to pay the deposit for this year’s staff Christmas Party. The event will be on the 15th December in Manchester; partners are allowed and everyone will be issued with four drinks each, an announcement on teh club website has read.

Manager Jose Mourinho has commented that the club is in no way focusing on the wrong things and refutes criticism at the lack of new player signings. He said: “Last year we had a party at Gary Neville’s new place. In this moment we have to improve, which is why we are doing a James Bond theme at Rio ferdinand’s restaurant. Other teams have big money for players and in this moment we have to try and compete, so there will be a casino with tokens and a photo booth also.”

Fed up United fan, Wayne Hayes said: “With all that money we have you’d think we might announce the signing of a player, but to be fair I can’t imagine how down the players must be having to play for that miserable sod, so I guess it’s better than nothing.”

“Is it at Rosso again? Oh, nice.”

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