PEOPLE ARE OVER THE MOON about the Government’s plan to dispense the food stockpiles necessary for a no-deal Brexit with blue ration books to match the blue passports we didn’t ask for, it has been revealed.

The news comes after the Government confirmed that food, medicine and blood stockpiles will be gathered to cope with the gridlock caused by leaving the EU with no trade deal.

Speaking in front of a food bank, newly installed and then demoted Assistant to the Prime Minister, former Brexit Secretary, Dominic Raab, stated: “When we spoke about leaving the EU, we did say there would be all kinds of untold benefits, and this is one of them. But it would be wrong to think of them as ration books, we prefer to call them blue food passports.”

“The shade is called “dystopia blue.” People will love it.”

Concerned member of the public, Becky Dinting, 29, said: “Well I guess we all have no choice in this now. I just hope they don’t put Chris Grayling in charge of the stockpiles in case all he gets is a few loaves of bread, a packet of wafer thin ham and a toss-up between some dominos voucher codes or a pot noodle.”

Brexiter Wayne Hayes, 39, was upbeat about the books, but addressed some of the so-far unclarified details about using the ration books: “Who goes to the front of the queue, though? I’m not sure any remainers should go in front of me. They didn’t ask for this, besides.”

“And I’ll take the beef and tomato pot noodle, please.”

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