Profiteering cosmetics brand, MAC, copied needlessly unfashionable clothing brand Burberry, by setting fire to £28m worth of stock to stop their products being bought by dickheads and girls who pretend their parents haven’t bought it for them, it has been revealed.
The drastic measures come after Burberry burned £28 million pounds worth of out-of-season clothes in order to avoid chavs getting their hands on it and taking us back to 2005 again.
Adult and non-Instagram bore, Sara Bronson, 29, said: “This is brilliant. As if these children are walking around with hundreds of pounds of contouring just to go to fucking college. You shouldn’t be bought that until you’ve suffered, like properly suffered. Do know what we had? Exclamation perfume and L’Oreal Toasted Almond lipstick, while wearing a Benetton jumper and the worst fringe known to man. That’s fucking what.”
“And don’t even ask me how old I was until I could afford decent brushes.”
Reacting to the news that her parents might potentially be priced out of buying her MAC make-up, InstaNightmare and 19 year-old child, Becky Hayes said: “I don’t think I can bring myself to hashtag ‘#maybelline’ – I usually just go “eww” as I walk past theirs and Rimmel’s stuff. This is all Brexit’s fault, isn’t it? I need to have a word with my Dad about this, but I think he voted for it.”
Make up boss Wayne Hayes, 42 admitted the move was an attempt to stop the wrong people getting their hands on MAc make-up. He said: “While yes, we are in the business to make money, and this potentially excludes a by-product of being an aspirational brand, we do actually have some self respect, you know.”
“Yes, that’s right. Tramps, basically.”
The Shatire 