BREAKING NEWS: Driverless Conservative Party by 2021, Chancellor Confirms

The Conservative Party is to go “fully-autonomous” by the year 2021, a leaked report from the Treasury confirms.

Details from the leaked report outline how a proposed £75 million investment in futuristic ‘Tor-E SleazeBots’ will mean that the party can dispense with having any sense of direction whatsoever.

Chancellor of the Exchequer, Philip Hammond, was overheard saying: “The way we’ve been going recently, I don’t think anyone will want to be part of all this anyway, so it makes sense to accept the inevitable, seeing as they’ll take over one day.”

“I imagine it will be something like that AI film with Robin Williams, but all the robots will do the hammy impersonations you hoped he’d do in the film, but didn’t. People will love that. Instead of making policy decisions, the robots will just enslave anyone earning less than £80k a year into some massive Victorian-like factory making alternative masks for the robots. And no, there won’t be any need for fire sprinklers.”

“No Government is better than a bad Government, after all.”

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