This year’s John Lewis’s Christmas TV advert will will feature a family that has a better Christmas than you by avoiding John Lewis altogether, it has been revealed.
The formulaic 60 seconds features a run-of-the-mill family going about their Christmas without paying over the odds for an Acer laptop, just so they can avoid remarking to their friends about how popping in to John Lewis is “such a nightmare over Christmas. Did you go?” so people don’t think they’re cheap.
John Lewis TV ad maker, Becky Dinting, said: “With Brexit and everything, we just really wanted to capture people’s imagination and take them away from another Christmas which has again come too soon for everyone. After several years of peddling, well, lies if we’re honest, we’ve finally hit the nail on the head.”
“Take that, Sainsbury’s!”
A spokesman for John Lewis confirmed the retailer’s change in tact, stating that the department store would “be more honest about Christmas from here on in”, before adding: “Christmas wasn’t even our idea either, you know!”
After watching the advert as part of a focus group, normal person and occasional Christmas shopper, Wayne Hayes, 29, said: “To be fair, I thought they had no place to go after the one with the dog. I was certain they’d make another awful, contrived horsheshit of an ad – probably where an orphan uses the John Lewis app to send some bio oil to a burns victim or something with Paloma Faith murdering a somberly re-imagined Kaizer Chiefs track as background music. They’d probably air it in September.”
“But I’d never have thought of not thinking about John Lewis at Christmas . It’s such a good idea!”
Fellow focus group member and average bloke, Ray Dawkins, 46, was unconvinced, saying: “I do like it, but let’s be honest – Christmas is never as good as they make it look in the adverts, is it? This is just another example.”