A piece of shit newcomer to the workforce has endeared herself to colleagues by failing to grasp the concept of professional behaviour or something called “work”, it has been revealed.
Entitled PR graduate Becky Dinting, 23, joined the company in July as a junior exec and her so far stellar performance has resulted in out-annoying every single one of her colleagues, past or present.
Her more notable achievements to date include wearing last night’s clothes into the office, introducing slang into email campaigns and taking an extra hour for lunch on Fridays.
The graduate screech commented: “My manager Davey bitches about me being on my phone, but I don’t see the problem when it’s my life. You come to work to live, you know, not just to work.”
“I don’t complain much though, since I’m new. I guess it’s the “little things”, isn’t it?”
Manager David Dawson explained: “Honestly I wouldn’t give a shit if Becky did some work, but she seems to be oblivious to the fact she has an actual job. She needs to start listening to instructions and stop calling me ‘Davey’ too. And stay away from me.”
“It’s like we have to applaud her for showing up and answering the odd email. Because her dad’s mates with the owner, we’ve got to hire her.”
Regional sales Manager Ray Dawson added: “Her parents must be absolute dickheads. God, I hope I never meet them.”
“We’re pretty fucked if this is the future of our country …at least I get to die one day.”
“Isn’t her probation period ending soon? Oh god.”
The Shatire 