An educated woman of childbearing age is having something called “a life” before deciding to end it all by having children, it has been revealed.
She explained: “My friends are all like ‘oh, you’re 30, don’t you like, want kids?’, but who are all these baby-obsessed women time travelling in from the 1970s?”
“It’s not as I’m leaving it late. Even Janet fucking Jackson got preggers at 50. As if these bitches don’t read Heat magazine – I know they’ve got the time. Unlike me, obviously!”
“Also, and I must confess, I just haven’t the heart to tell them how ugly some of their babies are. So yes, they’re not exactly selling the parenthood dream, but I’m sure they mean well.”
Best “non-Uni friend” (no, we don’t know what that is either) and mother of four, Charlotte Hall, 28, said: “Becky’s probably worried she isn’t the maternal kind, but I just want her to be happy like me and Colin are. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure a job as a seamstress or whatever she does is good and all, but what else do you do for attention?”
“Maybe she’s a lesbian or something? I don’t know.”
A defiantly fertile Dinting, concluded: “I really love my life. Besides, do you think any of these women can casually spunk a couple of hundred quid on a new bag without having to bribe the likes of “Colin dadbod” with the saddest BJ in Britain?”
“Imagine women struggling for equality and THAT being your life.”