A shady sounding ‘internet marketing guru’ has promised to get your company’s website “to number one on Google” with vaguely worded services during a cold call, it has been revealed.
Maverick SEO expert, Nathan Dobson, 34, explained how he couldn’t reveal his ‘complicated’ methods, nor any ‘protected’ clients, but steadfastly promised: “You’ll very quickly have better page rank than your competitors” before asking “so what is it your company actually… does?”
The brown-hat dipshit, who is also a Drupal expert, went on to describe “teams of Indians” who will do things from “all your submissions”, link building and integrity checking your website – all for a nominal fee. The check-shirt prick added: “So, like, you won’t see our changes? It will all be in the ‘back end’, but because we’ve got a relationship with Google and Yahoo! we’ll make sure people can find you online.”
Operations Director and 54 year old mug, John Giles said: “I didn’t understand exactly what Nathan was telling me, mainly because I just don’t get computers – my wife will tell you all about that, haha. It does sound too good to be true, though” before adding “I’ve signed a 16 grand a year retainer for three years.”
“Margaret, did you did send it to his gmail account, didn’t you?”
The Shatire 