Interweb net searchy thing, Google, has told the UK it is “free to use that piece of shit from Microsoft” if we don’t like their tax planning measures, it has been revealed.
The taunt came from Google’s European boss, Matt Brittin, during what many have dubbed ‘a knowledge sharing workshop’ hosted by the Public Accounts Committee – an event where UK MPs get to ask business leaders for their advice on how to be sneaky little shits.
MP for Warrington and Secretary for Second Homes, David Mowatt, winked: “So.. tech-nically then, how have you managed not getting caught until now? We’re just trying to, you know… understand.”
Mr Brittin replied: “Well, I do what you’ve all done, in a way. Feign ignorance for the rules until it’s made clear to me on camera.” Going on to give a detailed explanation of Google’s tax affairs, the exec’s words were met with the palpable sighs of realisation when he concluded “Repeating the same mistake would land us in jail, so we just go to the next best grey area in the tax code – and Bob’s your Uncle.”
Mr Brittin was later ridiculed for admitting he did not know how much he is paid, adding “You know what, I don’t even look any more. Neither would you if you were paid what I am.”
“But if people don’t like how we pay our taxes, maybe they’d be much better off asking useless questions on Bing. Just say the word and I’ll happily buy you all a fucking Windows phone. Ungrateful sods.”
The Shatire 