Company Director convinced of greatness with contrived iPhone analogy

An out-of-his-depth Sales Director is certain his speech about the iPhone will inspire greatness at his company, resulting in a wave of innovation amongst colleagues and maybe even sex with the attractive new marketing girl.


52 Year old Ray Dawkins delivered the impassioned monologue after taking the “maverick” decision to replace Monday’s usual sales meeting with an address to the entire office. His 45 minute sermon included themes such as “curating intuitiveness”, “playing the orchestra” and “a new ecosystem of ideas.”

The confused businessman year old later said: “I’m not quite sure what Apple did, but they did it and made these things, and now they’re everywhere” going on to tentatively ask “Do you know if Leanne said she liked it, at all?”

Mr Dawkins went on to specify: “We need some of that vision, you know, to hack growth? Have you seen these TED talks? They’re fucking amazing.”

Ben Dawson, a disturbed colleague of Mr Hughes said: “I don’t know what just happened, really. I thought he had come in on his day off, so maybe the roll-neck just threw me a bit.”

“He went a bit like Swiss Tony from The Fast Show, going on about ‘the cloud’. Pretty much every sentence started with “When apple did thiiis…” while holding up his iPhone 3GS with a cracked screen, so I’m not sure what he expects. We make accounting software.”

“I could tell he lost the room when Sandra from payroll began to look worried. She turned to me and mouthed ‘disruption?'”

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