BREAKING NEWS: Men who boast to friends they are ‘gadget freaks’ are really just fantasists who obsess about getting a bigger TV, or “would have a massive one, if the money was right and the wife allowed it”, a recent poll has found.
The findings conclude that most “early adopters” aren’t likely to be middle aged blokes with irritable wives, but rather twenty-somethings who spend their money on laser guided converse and wifi-enabled cutlery.
John Diddle, from Berks said “I’d well have a massive smart TV, but we just got sky plus and the wife watches her soaps on that catch-up thingymabob on the laptop, so I don’t think It’d fly. Plus it’s probably money we could put towards a holiday or something sensible, like decking. I’d really love them to bring out a smart home where you can just shout stuff from your living room and the kettle puts itself on, or the hob turns itself off when stuff burns. I think because I talk about future stuff like this, that’s why people say I’m a gadget man or something, but I’m probably not.”
Another “gadget-obsessed” father of three, Wayne Punter, from Hull, also confessed: “To be honest most of my mates would crumble under questioning if we got asked about being “early adopters”, as I don’t really know what one is. I can’t really keep up and I’d much rather have a porsche or get a young girlfriend. I just have an iPhone 4 instead, or at least I think it’s an iPhone 4. That will change of course as soon as they bring out 4k screens on mobile phones, then I’ll just see what deals are about. That’s probably two years away though.”
24-year old early adopter and music-fashion bloggist, Callum Stokes, said of his gadgetry: “I recently bought this dog collar from Japan that senses when Kanye, my dog, is about to have a shit. It warns me by playing Billie Jean, on my watch. I say recently, but that was a few weeks ago, so it’ll probably have to be replaced soon. It’s so retro!”
The Shatire 