BREAKING NEWS: North Korea celebrates newly elected communist leader Ed Miriband

Reclusive North Korea has taken the rare steps to open up its doors to the west in honour of its newly elected leader, Ed Miriband. Ed is officially now known as “The one with the massive tongue.”

Though not much is known about the new communist leader, it is suggested that he takes an even harder line against sounding normal than his father, Kim Jong Miriband (also officially given the affectionate title as “the pushy dad with those two little shits”).

In a less than stellar ceremony, delegates and attendees were also treated to the burning of one-time leader Neil Kinnock and a touching rendition of “Annie I’m not your Daddy” by former Thunderbird, Alistair Darling.

State TV cameras also picked up what appears to be dissent from Ed’s bigger brother, David Miriband, who seemed to disagree with part of Ed’s speech on waging war with America.

Lip readers verified this when David took exception to Halliet il Sung for clapping Ed, saying that “you voted for it, you two-faced, conniving cow” to which Halliet retorted: “Shut the fuck up and smile, unless you want to join Hans Brix in the shark pool.”

Also officially known as “The Loser,” David has yet to make an announcement about his future. Some commentators speculate that he may have made plans to defect to the USA, as domestic pressures build following his crimes against trade unions.